How I went from being ashamed to being confident with my scars! (Part 3)

How I went from being ashamed to being confident with my scars!

Oh wow, the feedback has been mind-blowing. A lot of people reached out to me and said they were moved to tears as they read my story, others said it helped them to stop complaining and become more grateful. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement, God bless you richly. This is the finale of how I got my battle scars stories, please catch up with Part 1 and Part 2 if you have not done so already.

Here it goes.

After a month and half of having my flesh cleaned every two days, the surgeons finally said I was ready for skin reconstructive surgery. They explained that I will be undergoing skin graft surgery. Basically, they were going to copy skin from my thigh and paste and all my burned areas. I had two options, mesh graft or sheet graft. Because the burns on my legs were extensive, they used mesh to reduce the chances of infections. The burn on my stomach and arm were covered with sheet graft. The surgery was successful, my legs took my thigh skin very well. The countdown to leaving the hospital started, thankfully the doctors said I should be home in a month. I was so happy to return my life. I had bandages on both legs, my right thigh and my arm. I looked like an original Egyptian mummy, LOL.

The day I was discharged was amazing! It turns out my legs had forgotten how to walk. 5 months of being “bed-ridden” I had developed muscle atrophy. They brought a wheelchair and wheeled me to the car. I felt the sun in my face after a long time. I was so happy, the whole hospital celebrated my exit. For an eighteen-year-old, I had seen life according to what everyone said. 

The weeks after that, I studied so I could write my exams that will enable me to enter my final year in college. I moved from a wheelchair to crutches, walking still felt foreign to me. My body tingled really badly for each step I took. I felt like giving up many times, it would have been easier to be confined to a wheelchair. However, I just knew I had to keep preserving. I walked for 18 years problem free, I will continue to walk effortlessly. I just needed to train my legs to do what it already knows how to do.

To the glory of God, I was able to resume school without crutches in September 2012. I added a lot of weight from no physical activity, I was covered with scars and my face was different. Low self-esteem came in like a flood because I didn't recognize myself anymore. I felt like I made people uncomfortable by exposing my scars. Mind you, these scars were not bloody or irritating. They were just skin graft. I only wore long skirts, I did not have the audacity to show the world my scars. I asked for all sorts of creams and herbal ointment to try to fade away the scars, nothing worked as fast as I desired.

Picture of skin graft

My sisters tried to encourage me that it was nothing but scars, I should not feel ashamed of my body. They encouraged me to strut it and own it but I could not come around to doing all of that. The stares, the side comments, the pity look; I was not interested in all of that. I asked my friend to make me long flowing skirts and also asked my sisters to send me long skirts and pantyhose from the UK. I was determined to cover up my scars for the rest of my life. Thankfully, the dress code requirements at Babcock University made this easy. I blended in so effortlessly like I had nothing to hide. But I was hiding, even though I would have never admitted it to myself.

My 2013/2014 fashion choices, I always covered up

After 2 years, I started to grow into the woman I was destined to be and the scars started to become a part of me. One thing that really helped with me getting so comfortable in my skin was moving to the US. Nobody cared about my scars, nobody dared to stare. Everyone I spoke to about my self-esteem issues because of the scar were super supportive. I am not my scars but my scars are a part of me. This opportunity helped me develop the courage to be myself. Slowly, I started wearing clothes I had not worn in years.

In 2015, my parents asked if I wanted to travel to India to get rid of my scars, I boldly told them no, I love my scars. I had grown to accept it as a part of me. My low self-esteem got me into a toxic relationship but God delivered me. He helped me to see myself for how he sees me, extremely beautiful and deserving of true love. People have said this to me, “If I were you, I’d cover it up”. I just laugh because they don’t know my story or where I am coming from. My response is always “I love every part of me especially my scars, I think they make me very interesting”.

2015, when I gained the confidence to show off my scars

We don’t know what people are going through. Their experiences can be physical or emotional, let us be gracious to one another. For God’s sake, I dare you to be kind. Unnecessary comments on the internet about people’s looks are very damaging. You don’t need to comment on everything (Proverbs 18:2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.) If you must say anything, let it be seasoned with encouragement and love.

Today, I strut with my killer legs and amazing scars because I know that my scars are a symbol of victory. I strut them because I need to remind the devil that he is powerless and all he has is tricks. I strut because what the devil wanted to use to cause me pain (the accident), I overcame through the power of Jesus. The devil did not stop there, he wanted me to wallow in self-pity and become a shadow of myself. He wanted to stop me from falling into purpose but he has failed miserably and will continue to fail. I am in Christ therefore, the devil and his schemes are no match for me. Because of the finished works of Christ, I am an overcomer. I am not afraid of the devil because all he has is schemes, no power. I am victorious always in Christ! I am a chosen generation and a royal priesthood, a royal priesthood, a holy nation and God's very own person called to show forth God's glory. Na scars I get, I no kill person. 

John 10:10 (GNT) The thief comes only in order to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come in order that you might have life—life in all its fullness.

This is my testimony.  I have the fullness of life, I have life in abundance, I have enjoyment of life!

I don't know what you are going through but I want to encourage you to cheer up. Our Redeemer has won all our battles for us. He fixed it all spiritually hence it manifests in all aspects of our life positively. We must remember that whenever the devil tries to attack, his aim is to take our gaze off of Jesus. He wants us to be so focused on our situation and forget that we have a great and loving father. The devil wins when we begin to change our mind about how much God loves us through thick and thin. Fix your gaze on Jesus at all times, don't let the devil take your attention away. You are loved by God unconditionally, it's not by what you do or don't do. His love is constant. If God can love you when we were dead in sin, there's nothing that can change his mind about you.

The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” - Molière

With love,

Bibi