How to overcome the fear of marriage (christian edition)

How to overcome the fear of marriage

by Toyosi Adegunle 

Edited by Bibi Babatunde-Ikotun

As a young girl that grew up seeing wrong and scary things about love, relationship, and marriage, I became scared of wanting to even be with anyone or even embrace the idea of marriage at all. I watched lots of movies, heard a lot of real-life stories and even saw some of them play out by people close to me. This made me cancel the idea of marriage in my subconscious for the longest time. The thing that surprises me till today is that in spite of my thick fears, I had a little blink of hope and positivity that If I will ever consider getting married, then, it would be an extension of heaven on earth. 

In very recent times, there have been obvious alterations in relationships and marriages, and people divorce or break up over the most mundane and outrageous things - lack of communication, infidelity, domestic violence, finance, trust, and so many others. As believers, we need to think differently because the bible says in Proverbs 23:7a(KJV)  For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. If you spend all your time dwelling on most stories you read online about relationships and marriages, which are mostly real and true, then you may never find it in you to stay positive about your home or relationship. 

You may have been through the worst relationships or marriage, you may have met the most ridiculous human beings, you may have even been the toxic one in that relationship, but that's not the end of life and should not deprive you of another beautiful Christ-centered relationship or marriage. In life, bad things would always happen, misunderstandings will occur, God already told us about these things, but he said we would survive, in another place, he said we will see and hear of these things, but they will not come near us. 

Dear Single believer, 

Isaiah 26:3(NIV) You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Hang unto nothing but the truth about you and your partner in advance. Your life is patterned and shaped by your thoughts which is in turn largely defined by what you hear, read, see, and let yourself believe. If you get caught up in constant fear of the unknown and bring yourself to believe lies and probably true stories of relationship and marriage mishap, even if you have the best partner ever,  it may be difficult to enjoy love, relationship, or marriage. Also, as you hear stories of horrible marriages learn to renew your mind in the word of God! Let it cleanses your mind daily and remind you about God. Fix your gaze on Jesus.

Dear Dating believer,

Philippians 4:8(NIV) Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Let nothing alter the good thing you have ongoing, never let the fear of your horrible past stop you from embracing the goodness that is right before you. Ensure your relationship is Christ-centered and every action and in-action is inspired by the Holy Spirit. God loves you and wants nothing short of the best for you, take it with all your heart and enjoy it. Like the above verse say, keep your mind focused on all the things that are true, lovely, right, pure, admirable etc.

Dear Married believer,

2 Corinthians 10:5(NIV) We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

You have scaled through the fear of marriage and you are in it for good, and for the best. Marriage is an institution ordained by God as the lead and center of it all, your marriage will be nothing like that story you read on Twitter, it will be nothing like your parents' marriage that seemed to have all the wrong things in it, you will not have issues with your in-laws and vice versa. You are married to enjoy it and also glorify the name of God. Two forces joined together in holy solemnization is power - you can do so much together! Every time the devil attempts to sow evil thoughts about your marriage in your head, take it captive and make it obedient to Christ. 

How to Overcome Fear of Relationships and Marriage

● Be positive: While reading stories of a failed marriage and awful relationship, also read beautiful stories and testimonies of flourishing marriages and relationships. Goodness is possible and you deserve it too. While I was scared, I was positive, and it played a huge role in overcoming it.

● Be prayerful: The devil really doesn't want anything good for you, and you have to prevent that from happening. Pray about everything, pray your dream marriage to reality, pray for your spouse, pray for your in-laws, pray for your unborn children, pray away fear, and pray for love, joy, and peace.

●Date a fellow believer: It is hard to build a Christ-centered relationship or marriage with someone who doesn't understand salvation and the love of Christ. It is hard, nerve-wracking, and drains all your energy because you'll spend most of your time trying to bring him or her to the knowledge of Christ. You don't want to spend all your life doing that.

● Feed on the word of God: What does God say about relationships and marriage? Matthew 19:5, Ephesians 5, Proverbs 18:22, Hebrews 13:4. 

Engage God in all your emotions, feelings - excitement fears; talk to him about it, he's willing to help you out, and he sure will. 

Note from the editor in chief

Hi everyone, Happy New Month! I just wanted to tell you that I love you. Thank you for all the support, feedback and kind words you've sent to me over the past year. Bibilamour04.com is heading towards its second year because of your support. It means the world to me. I don't know why I am mushy today but I just wanted to say you matter! Reach out to me if you ever need someone to edify, encourage or pray with you. You have a friend in me. 

Watch my latest video on how to manage sexual urges and you'll be blessed. Don't forget to subscribe to my youtube channel.

With love, 

Bibi Babatunde-Ikotun