Questions to newly weds| Godly dating| Christian courtship

Hello everyone, welcome back to my blog. I can’t believe I didn’t post for two weeks, I missed everyone. Anyways, I was off getting married to the loved of my life that was why I was MIA, I believe you can forgive me for leaving you like this. Thank you so much for all the congratulatory messages, we appreciate your love, support and prayers. Let me show you a few pictures from the whole celebration. 

Anyhoo, I am back like I never left and today myself and my husband will be answering questions we received on social media about our relationship and Christian dating in general. I hope you learn one or two things from our answers. I am so happy to be back guys, I missed you all.

How did you two meet?

You can see the full story on our wedding website here: https://withjoy.com/NoBWithoutBB/story 

How did you know Busayo was the man for you?

Bibi: Honestly, our values aligned so much that it was so surreal. In the past, I had dated people that I will try to force my values and belief system on but it was so hard to keep the momentum going. However, when I met Busayo, everything clicked. For example, I had always wanted to adopt a child but my exes always struggled with that idea but with Busayo it turned out he wanted that too. (This is just a random example).

How did you know Bibi was the woman for you?

Busayo: I knew Bibi was the one for me because we shared similar values spiritually and physically, we had the almost same goal in almost every aspect which was a big deal for me, in others words, my values influenced my decision about she being the one for me.

How did you handle it when there was distance?

Bibi: It was hard but we decided to be very intentional about talking and spending time with each other even when it’s tough. Busayo always tells me to call him even if it is in the middle of the night. Spending time together virtually was very paramount to making our relationship work.

How did you handle the fights?

Bibi: Honestly, we are two big softies. Anytime I get mad at Busayo I time myself to see how long I can hold on to the anger and the max I have gone is one hour. And that one hour, I really stretched myself and it was soooooo hard. Additionally, we are big on apologizing and forgiving easily. It is in the love of God in us that has formed this, it is not by our power or might. 

How did you manage to find a man that loves you so much and loves God too😩?

Bibi: Girl, to be honest, it’s God. I know Nigerians don’t like seeing the “it’s God” answer because it can be annoying. But one thing I will say is this, it was when I decided to seek God first and His righteousness that Busayo got added to me. When I came to the end of my own goodness (righteousness) and started functioning on the righteousness God has gifted to me as well as immensely myself more in the things of God was when a man like Busayo came into the picture. Matthew 6:33 was what gave me this amazing man of my reality.

How did you both manage with the celibacy and were there times you got tempted?

Bibi: I think the first thing was putting it on the table that sex before marriage was absolutely not on our to-do list. When I met Busayo, he shared his desire for the marriage bed be undefiled. I was amazed because from experience I have always been the one trying to drive this conviction. Having a man do this for us was amazing. As for temptation, we all get tempted but what could we have done with the 6,000 ish miles between us? lol

Did you avoid staying together at night or you guys were always able to control yourselves?

Bibi: We were in a really long-distance relationship as 90% of our relationship was in distance, however, my advice is that we all know our limitations there is no need to test the flesh because there is no limit in how much the flesh can go. There is no need to do damage control when you can simply avoid certain things.

Can you please tell us practical ways you two were able to abstain from premarital sex. I know Long-distance helps a lot but if there were times when you two were in the same city for long and had to see each other often, how were you able to keep yourselves?

Busayo: The most important thing is relying on God’s grace and prayers also whatever value you have ultimately affected your decision at the end... I already made that resolution to keep the relationship sane by not letting anything sexual come in between regardless of the temptation. I must say long-distance helped a lot! We only engaged in outdoor activities while we were in the same city; cinema, parks, restaurants etc.

What are somethings you both have had to compromise on to accommodate each other and make your relationship work?

Busayo: Absolutely Nothing from me, I’m quite stubborn and I don’t see myself trying to bend to make a relationship straight. However, I believe marriage is a different thing. We’re still young and have years ahead.

Bibi: Same goes for me. We gel easily and effortlessly.I'm sure there will be days for compromise in the future, it's a forever thing.

If you were to give just one non- spiritual advice to other ladies (and guys, for Busayo) waiting to find the right partner, what advice would it be?

Bibi: Be your most authentic and realistic self. For ladies, do become a version of yourself to get a man because you are setting yourself up for failure. For example, if you loathe domestic things (like me, lol) but choose to lead with your ability to cook, clean and care for children to snag a man, what happens when you get married and you can't keep up? That will be a relationship built on a false foundation. Same goes for guys, don’t form the richest man that ever liveth for a babe and marry her into a life of debt. It will end in tears in the pastor's office.

I know authenticity can be hard but stay true to you, your man or woman will come.

My question is, did you wait for a confirmation (like a direct word from God) or you just relied on peace of mind before you got into a relationship

Bibi: We both prayed about each other and received an overwhelming sense of peace about each other. I actually at a stage started praying that God should break us up at a point because I wasn’t ready to get invested in something that will end in tears. This prayer always worked to break my past relationships but the more I asked, the better our relationship became.

Hi, good evening...I would like to know if it's wrong to have intimate moments e.g. (kissing) before marriage with your boyfriend.

Busayo: Kissing is not bad or wrong but what it leads you to do. An adage says "you don’t test the depth of a river with both feet".

Bibi: Kissing graduates. For how long do you want to kiss before hands start moving? If you're in university and marriage is still a long way to go it's best to avoid any physical activity. It grows really fast and deceives you like you're in control but you are not.

Happy married life to you. Please, I need your help. my friend asked me a question concerning marrying a divorced man. She’s in a fix. I didn’t really have an answer to give her so I told her to give me some time to ask someone.

Busayo: Thank you! We are quite not qualified to answer this question but what we will advise is that your friend should ask critical questions to know if she is truly ready to handle emotional baggage from the previous relationship. This is a man who has once promised someone forever before perhaps he has children from his previous relationship, will she be ready to accommodate his kids as hers? There are just so many questions to ask...maybe a one on one conversation will do justice to it.

There's this guy I'm in love with and I was hoping we'll get married but while I was praying a while ago, a friend of mine who's a pastor said he's not d right person for me. Prior to that And while praying I was so scared even though I haven't gotten an answer that I cried. All through that period, I was led to sermons on God speaking in different ways etc. He said he heard that we're not right for each other.  I'm not even sure bout d whole thing. I don't want to make a mistake and I don't want to disobey God.  And I already feel crushed with the whole thing it feels like I'm going through a divorce. We're not dating yet we want to make sure we know where we're heading before taking a step.

Busayo: I believe a one on one conversation will do.

This brings us to the end of the question and answer. I really enjoyed putting this together. A big thank you to everyone who sent in questions, we appreciate you. If you are a reader and feel like you have answers to any of the questions above, please feel free to answer in the comment section. 

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." -Ephesians 5:31

With love,

Bibi and Busayo

P.S

Did you see that we trended on social media for our traditional wedding? Instablog, LindaIkeji blog, DANG and other blogs carried our matter. Guys, we have blown oooooo, I just wished it can be converted to cash. But like Busayo said, "After rain comes sunshine'. Make sunshine do and come kia kia.

I hated the negative attention it brought to us but I’m so thankful for the positive comments. We're eternally grateful to God for His goodness and mercy.

I'm thinking of doing a husband tag aka meet my husband next blog post. It will be edifying don't worry, lol.

We have a joint Instagram page, you can follow us here.